Lifestyle, My Life, Octoberfest, Writing

Chapter Four: The Fallout (Part 3)

“I just…”

He searched internally for the right words.

“don’t want you to get hurt unnecessarily, is all. I feel strongly for you, Jessica.”

It was the first time that he said her real full name and he leans against the bookcase with ease. His forehead is smooth and clear of any wrinkles, as if he was not worried that she would go against him and speak to Gunner. Jess stared at him as he said this, then sighed softly and crossed her arms. Nobody got hurt unnecessarily in her opinion. She pushed away the side of her that wanted to feel happy that he worried about her, and instead she responded.

“You shouldn’t worry about me that much.”

I’m not worth it, she silently added. Even though, it seemed to her that he was not really worried at all. Heck, maybe he just said that to all the girls he apparently hung out with. Noel smirked lightly at her comment.

“And why shouldn’t I? Give me one good reason why I should not worry about you.”

His eyes studied her face, silently challenging her to come up with something to set himself free of her, but his personal feelings were that she would not find something solid to get him to stop worrying about her. He felt too young for her and felt a few worry lines would make him feel older. Worrying had not killed anyone yet, but since he does not breathe, that was not a problem for him either. Jess did not respond for a minute, a little surprised that he did not know why he did not really have a reason to worry about her.

“Because, although it’s obvious you haven’t noticed, I can handle myself.”

She replied simply, staring at him. She did not like how people—those who did not know what she was, or even did—always looked at her like she was weak. She thought this was how he was looking at her. Felix blinked. Hurt flashed quickly across his features before resuming its default mode: a slight smirk. He felt hurt…wounded…he had never cared for someone before and having his love get smacked right back in his face felt like hell. Like it was not worth s#$t. His eyes lost their warmth as coldness like shadows slid across his features, making that carefree nature just shadow-like it was just a disguise that he was now shedding. He clapped softly at first, then louder.

“Bravo my dear because frankly I don’t give a damn.”

With that, he raised his hand as the shadows swirl around him enveloping him completely, before he disappeared into nothingness. Then faintly, very faintly his last words reach her.

“I cannot believe I actually love her.”

Jess stared at him, gaping a little as he left. She did not really mean to make it sound the way it came out, but that was always the way she lost people, why they always abandoned her. It was her fault she could never connect with anybody. Her fault, that she always pushed them away. It always ended this way, she thought. She stared at the ground forlornly, the sadness that she never showed burning a hole in her, as well as the guilt that she hurt him. Shoving the book back in the bookshelf, she shook her head, mostly at herself. Okay, so he was angry. A part of her wanted to believe that he would probably get over it. But, still… She felt certain that he might have loved her for some reason, but now she knew for certain that he did not love her anymore.

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