Turns out that hater comment turned into three more after I replied to the first one:
- Do my research? I have autism, so I am pretty sure I have a good idea more than any expert or parent of an autistic child of how it can be like and how bad it can be. I feel for the parents who have children on the low end of the spectrum, very severe cases I do and I do sympathize that it can be very frustrating and hard to cope with at times. Read my blog and you will see many posts relating to as such and autism.As it caused me to struggle more so than other people at times? Yes it most definitely has, but I wouldn’t refer to my autism as mentally disabling. Maybe because it hurts my feelings, my autism is a big part of me and I accept it for it’s quirks, gifts and even yes struggles. I wouldn’t be who I am without my autism. You said your child is very talented, and lovable and I am sure he is. Autism is not always mentally disabling, yes we learn in different ways and our minds are wired differently. That doesn’t equal mentally disabling though, in fact it only does to the eyes of society. Society refuses to let me learn the way I want or be who I want. When I am who I want to be without fear or judegment and learn in my own unique way I am a force to be reckoned with. I am gifted in many ways that other people are not and I fear I wouldn;t be if it wasn’t for my autism. Autism can be struggling at times I never would say it isn’t. But actually professionsals are coming out saying it is not a disabilityor even a disorder for everyone on the spectrum, it is a neuro-neurological diverse, and we can now join the diversity of human kind. Welcome to 2018.
I am sorry if my comment came off as rude, but I think autistic people are upset and offendd by the words our parents, professionals and society use to label us. It feels often us with autism have no voice. I have been met with so much ignorance by people off the spectrum in cases like this. So I do apologize for my comment.
I get what you are saying I do! But there has been no coalition to intellectual disability directly relating to autism (maybe in severe cases yes, but not all) in fact men like Albert Einstein when studied in history were said to likely be autistic if the diagnoses existed more back in those times. Same with Da Vinci. I am not saying every autistic child is the next Einstein, but I am saying a lot of us do have special gifts and talent to offer the world. If society would concentrate on our strengths and stop tearing down our weaknesses, society and the autistic child or person could both benefit. I am not saying ignore our weaknesses or challenges, we do have to manage them, but most comments like ‘mentally disabling’ simply exist because we cannot operate in a very close minded and boxed society. I think as long as the autistic person is happy and feels successful according to their own standards, that’s success. Society says if you don’t live up to our standards than you are disabled. There are different levels of success, talent and so on. There is also no coalition between quality of life, happiness and autism. That is why I don’t like comments such as mentally disabling, and because your son got a diagnoses you painted it as disabling with what feels like you didn’t do much research. With the right support from professionals, families and love autism doesn’t always have to disabling. Autism has many positives to it and some of them probably include things that would surprise you and are in fact at the opposite end of disabling. But Einstein, Da Vinci were mentally disabling right?
- Since you want to make a bigger deal out of this and post a blog about my comment, I will post a blog about your ignorant comments. I wanted to originally but decided to just comment instead and I actually figured my comment would have been ignored. I have a lot more to say about this and nothing boils my blood more than parents of autistic children who think they know more about their children living with the condition and me who also lives with the condition and worse like to paint it in some end of the world scenario or in a negative light. I have experiences too with severe autistic children, some who share it would be nice to talk, but they would still like to be autistic and other stories. I have also met some both severe and not as severe who say they hate their autism, and would want to find a cure. It hurts my feelings, but a person who has autism I guess has that right to feel that way. A professional or parent again I think have to be careful when talking about a diagnoses that they do not have. I wonder though if they would feel that way still if society truly accepted them more than it does right now. Autistic people want no different than everyone else, and that is to just be happy. At the end of the day that is all that should matter is everything aside is this person happy.If you care to read, though it doesn’t refer to all but some positive qualities that some autistic people or a lot do possess, especially with the right help and support.
- Another read that might catch your interest. Then I am done spamming and I am going to be a bigger person I won’t write a blog in response to your comments, 1 because you recently found out about a diagnoses and as you continue the journey I hope you will learn more. 2. It’s too frustrating, is negative to my emotions and I end up repeating the same points.https://aspierudegirl.wordpress.com/2017/11/02/my-child-suffers-from-autism-what-is-suffering-why-is-yours-more-important-tbh/
She actually had a few pretty good things to say. I just wished that she initially hadn’t had started with this hate comment, but if she didn’t, I wouldn’t have found her blog. You should check out the links. She has a lovely blog from an insider’s view. And here where my replies to her three comments.
- I would have appreciated this comment better right from the beginning. Your comment was very hurtful and rude. I am definitely putting this on another blog post, because unlike the hateful people who have posted replies, you actually didn’t reply with hate again. You went into so much depth and that’s so inspiring. You know, I’m a first time mom. I’m human. I make mistakes. Could I have written that better? Yes, but I was emotional when I wrote it. I just found out that my only son has autism. I can talk to you, but I can’t communicate with my own son. It’s frustrating and you insinuated that I don’t care for my son. I took offense and overacted, but usually people leave me pretty nasty comments and don’t turn out to be like you and send me something nicer back. So, I do apologize and will make another post, so you don’t look like a crazy hater person. I agree with many points of yours and it was never my intention to make anyone feel that way.
- I don’t run your blog, I only run mine but by all means do what you will. Why would I ignore your comment? You don’t see how it was offensive? What Dean goes through, we all go through as a family. I share in his struggles and triumphs. I’m the one crying because I haven’t heard my baby say that he loves to me, when he’s hungry, or tired, or scared. I can’t help him and it is the most upsetting thing for a parent. I do offer him support. He has a Speech therapist, Occupational Therapist, and three ABA specialists coming in and helping him in my home. His diagnosis is very touchy for me when faced with hate. I understand how you feel now, but can you sympathize with me? As you watching what I say, it is my blog and those were my feelings at the time. My blog should be the one place were I am free to express myself and not have to watch what I say. I was devastated at the time and to hear other kids doing so well and yours is lagging behind everyone hurts. No, I don’t have autism, but one of my older brothers had mild autism. It caused him to stutter a lot and he can’t learn and retain information to get a decent job. He works at Home Depot and is a manager there. I know autism doesn’t hold people back and I know there is a stigma about autistic people. You judged me by reading one post. You didn’t look at me as a complete person. Society looks at autistic people as autistic. They judge by a diagnosis. I think you’d really like Dean’s updates and you are gonna miss out on seeing him develop and grow up because of a few words I said. I subscribed to your blog. I enjoyed your post.
- I am learning. I am constantly learning. I did find your post interesting and I followed and liked. I just wish you would have come out and just said all of this instead of what you initially said.
Remember to enlighten other people. Don’t tear them down. Tell them in a nice way how and why something they said affected you. Don’t personally attack them. You don’t know their story or their life or how they are feeling. You know NOBODY on the Internet. I could never spread hate to someone other the Internet and I try not to when they dish it out to me. NO ONE knows you like you know you. No one knows that I used to go to special learning classes in Middle School. No one knows that I couldn’t do basic math until I was in the 7th grade. No one knows that I struggle making friends. No one knows that I had nightmares after Dean was born. No one knows the struggles that I have to go through as a parent blaming myself for my son’s autism. If I would have had a drug free pregnancy, if I would have been able to conceive him naturally, if I would have played with him more, socialized him more. There are so many doubts running through my head that when this person made this hate comment that it hit me like a block of bricks. My child’s autism affects me and I know it’s not about me, but why can’t it be. He has it and I struggle with it. With accepting it and understanding him. I love him dearly and play with him. I love watching him sleep when we take a nap together. Looking at that peaceful face and I know he’s happy being who he is. I just want to be a part of his world and know what he’s thinking. I feel like I’m the odd one out. I feel excluded. I know he loves me, but it’d be nice to really hear it. And if you can feel and understand me, if you have been there and done that, then judge me, because otherwise, you really can’t.
Her last comment! I loved it! I have followed her and I think you all should too. Made me cry!
I sincerly apologize again, I jumped the gun or assumption too quickly. Like that you are a parent who just found out your child got a diagnoses, and at first I am sure that journey is very scary. But now you have the main tool which is the diagnoses that can open up many doors and options to raise your child and give your child the best opportunity at a successful and happy life. I blame society more than anything for such a negative light we have attached to autism. Sometimes autism can be very severe and like you said in some ways ‘disabling.’ It can be at times, but if we make the right environment for any kid on the spectrum, severe or not so severe, they will flourish in their own unique ways and have the best chance at a decent life. It is not just with autism, society seems to be very narrow minded when it comes to what it wants people to be. Like if we don’t get a family, a successful career and make all the money or buy the next biggest thing or own some fancy house than in some way we are failing and must not be happy. If that makes sense, it even is referenced to everyday people. Happy and success cna be measured in so many different ways. I hope the best for you, your journey and your child. You are a lot luckier than some to find out a diagnoses so soon. Even in my time growing up, my diagnoses didn’t happen until in my twenties. I grew up undiagnosed and it did cause a significant amount of problems, and although my parents seem to know I was unique, they did certain things that would keep me relatively happy, they didn’t have enough tools at hand to offer me the support I really needed and they often why I failed time and time again, and why my brother was the more easier child with a lot of things and he went onto excel with little help. The diagnoses criteria is getting a lot better though and that is the first step to help these children. Next is acceptance. Yes we do have to function in society to a certain extent, everybody does even when we don’t want to lol but….there are times we should be accepted for who we are, allowed time to do things our own way and when we fail, it is maybe not a failure, maybe don’t force things on people they don’t want to do or find their way of doing it that they can succeed at. You are on the right path, and I am sure you have an awesome, lovely and talented son. He is lucky to have a mom who isn’t going to give up, parents can sometimes and the diagnoses can make some parents go off the deep end. I have seen far worse situations and comments about autism than ‘mentally disabling’ and ‘disabling autism.’ I have a lot I could say and this is kinda scrambled, sorry. Long story short I think all I mean is just because your son got a diagnoses of autism, doesn’t always automatically make it ‘disabling.’ It may seem like it can be at times, and maybe it is even at times, but it depends on your view. Not everyone can do everything the same, even neurotypical people make mistakes and sometimes we fail at our jobs etc. Yet it doesn;t get a negative stigma as they are mentally disabled. Just different things work for different people, we all have our own unique ways and talents to offer the world, most of us just try to stick with what we know and lve to lead a happy and successful life. Autism people can do the same. It is hard to live in a society though that doesn’t seem to see it that way. There are parents who will have to always care for their severe autistic child, and in society a child who lives at home or needs extra care their entire life is not seen as successful. But what if that child succeeds at little things everyday? What if they are happy regardless they didn’t start a family, find that successful career etc like society attaches to success. Celebrate every success your son does on his way of growing up, handle the bad days to the best of your ability, support him, when he expresses himself in his own way (even if it is not always talking) listen and support, and most of all love him unconditionally and he will be okay. It’s great now too there is a lot more support than there use to be for children on the spectrum, how to find the right support can be challenging at times, I have recieved the wrong help sometimes, but I am sure your child will be the best indicator to know what is best for him. 🙂 Take care and sorry again for being rude with my first comment. No excuses, but I have read so much ignorance online about autism sometimes when seeing anything that I take personally, I am very quick to jump on the defense. I now see that you really didn’t mean any harm.